When it comes to orgasms, you really can’t have too much of a good thing. While some people with a vagina are able to have multiple orgasms fairly easily, it tends to be a bit trickier for the penis-owning population, thanks to that pesky refractory period getting in the way.
“When men ejaculate, their brain becomes unresponsive to sexual stimulation, so they are effectively on the bench when it comes to sex,” says Kenneth Play, the sex educator known as the “world’s greatest sex hacker.”
If only there were ways to orgasm without ejaculating and triggering that refractory period, amirite? Oh, wait. There are! Experts have identified various ways for men to climax more than once in a row, including through non-ejaculatory multiple orgasm (NEMO) and prostate orgasms. It just takes practice. (Lucky for you, that practice involves masturbation, so this’ll probably be the most fun homework you’ve ever had.)
An added bonus: learning to have multiple orgasms can benefit everyone involved in your sex life.
“This capacity also equalizes the disparity between men and women’s pleasure to some degree,” Play says. “A large percentage of women can have multiple orgasms, so this enables their male partners to keep up with them.”
Non-Ejaculatory Multiple Orgasms (NEMO)
We tend to equate penile orgasms with ejaculation, but that’s not exactly the case.
“The orgasm is the part of the sexual experience that happens between two and seven seconds before ejaculation,” Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles sexologist explained to GQ. “It combines an increase in full-body sensitivity, quickening of breath, and a flood of sensations through the scrotum and penis.
“Ejaculation is the final step of stimulation and involves the release of semen, as well as the neurotransmitters that will send the body into ‘rest and recovery mode,’ or the refractory period.”
While it’s virtually impossible for men to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms with no refractory period, you can climax several times in a row if you don’t release any semen. The technique is known as non-ejaculatory multiple orgasm, or NEMO, and involves strengthening your pelvic floor.
“Taoist traditions have extremely elaborate methods for cultivating this ability, as well as some yogic lineages from India, Tibet, and China,” Play explains. “These traditions use this practice to retain energy and alertness and direct it towards the goals of their tradition. Avoiding the refractory period and staying aroused and in the game, whether sexually, emotionally, or physically, is definitely a huge benefit.”
What do non-ejaculatory orgasms feel like?
If you think non-ejaculatory orgasms will feel different from regular orgasms, you’re right—so remember to lower your expectations just a little.
“You can’t expect for each small orgasm to feel like your usual orgasms,” says Jonathan Stegall, M.D., founder and president of the Center for Advanced Medicine in Atlanta. “They’ll be less in intensity, but for some men, having several small orgasms is actually preferable to having one big one.”
How can I have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms?
Strengthen those PC muscles.
As we mentioned earlier, having multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms is all about controlling your pelvic floor.
“While some men experience multiple orgasms accidentally, others can learn to invite such a reaction,” says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright.
You can do this with Kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and your ability to control orgasmic and ejaculatory responses in the heat of the moment, she says. Your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle—which stretches from the pubic bone to the tailbone—controls ejaculation. If you can keep yourself from ejaculating after an orgasm, you’ll be more likely to skip the refractory period and orgasm again—and again, and again.
To perform Kegel exercises, you want to contract the PC muscle as you would when you control the flow of urine as you’re peeing. You can practice Kegels anywhere—like contracting the muscle for 10 seconds while sitting in your car.
Suppress ejaculation while masturbating.
“In studies of men who claim to be multi-orgasmic, researchers have found that some guys just seem to come by it naturally, whereas others have taught themselves to have multiple orgasms,” explains Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author Tell Me What You Want. The men who taught themselves how to be multi-orgasmic did so “by engaging in a lot of masturbatory practice in which they would get to the brink of orgasm, but then prevent ejaculation from occurring, such as by squeezing the penis.”
The key is to get as close as possible to the “point of no return” without actually reaching it. Relationship guru Dan Savage popularized that term, and it refers to when you reach a point either during sex or masturbation when ejaculation is inevitable. No amount of holding off, pressure, or Kegel squeezes will prevent emission.
When practicing how to become multi-orgasmic, it’s necessary to familiarize yourself with your own point of no return and to not cross it. “With enough practice and exercise, these men said that they were ultimately able to have several orgasms when they have sex, with their last one being an ejaculatory orgasm,” Lehmiller says.
Try a different position.
If you have a hard time delaying gratification, switching positions during sex can help you control ejaculation and erection.
Sex therapist Jane Greer suggests trying a sex position where you’re easily able “to stand up and pull out before you ejaculate.” (May we recommend any of these?) “That way, you can tighten your muscles right before the point of ejaculation so you can experience orgasm without ejaculation.”
Focus on your breath.
In The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know, authors Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams dedicate a large portion of their book to the importance of breathing.
Deep “belly breathing” or “diaphragm breathing” is a key to mitigating ejaculation, explain the authors. When you get close to ejaculating, your breath rate sharply increases as you take short and shallow breaths. This, in turn, also increases your heart rate. Slowing down both will help you better control ejaculating.
To practice belly breathing, sit on a chair with your back straight. Relax your shoulders and place your hands on your stomach. Inhale deeply through your nose, and feel your stomach expand. Your chest should not move. Each breath should last for at least three seconds. Get in the habit of doing this type of breathing daily. You can do it at work, while crossing the street, and (especially) when you find yourself stressed. The goal is for belly breathing to become your normal style of breathing.
Now, when you’re in the bedroom, you’ll notice both your breath and heart rate increase. This is when you really want to engage in belly breathing to help slow down your breathing and postpone ejaculation.
If you ask Play, the best way to achieve multiple orgasms involves stimulating the prostate, a.k.a. the “p-spot.” The goal is to have a prostate orgasm (or anal orgasm), a unique and satisfying sensation that doesn’t necessarily involve penile ejaculation. In fact, some guys can have a prostate orgasm without even being hard.
How can I stimulate my prostate for a multiple orgasmic experience?
The following section is Play’s step-by-step guide, in his words, for achieving multiple orgasms through prostate stimulation.
Start with masturbation.
“First of all, I recommend masturbation rather than partner play to start this exploration because you have a direct feedback loop, and without having to instruct someone else or worry about being comfortable, things are much simpler and more effective. Put on your favorite porn, or whatever you normally do to get in the mood. Start stimulating your penis to get to a certain level of arousal before anal penetration, ‘cause otherwise it can feel like a medical exam.”
Use a toy to help you reach the prostate.
“For anal play I recommend the small end of the njoy pure wand. You can put it in lukewarm water to make it warm, and definitely use a good silicone lube! Move the toy around until you find the right spot, then use a rocking motion with your wrist joint to rock the njoy against the front wall of the rectum, applying pressure to the prostate.”
Wanna chat more about sex toys?
Combine prostate stimulation with your regular masturbation habits.
“Start playing with the toy until you feel some sensation on your prostate. As you get close to orgasm, the prostate stimulation will start to feel way better than you ever thought it could. The first goal is just to have a blended orgasm while stimulating your prostate.
“Next time, do the same technique, but direct your attention even more to the sensations that are coming from your penis. Use stimulation of the penis to increase arousal, but as you get closer to orgasm, decrease or stop stimulating your penis and keep stimulating your prostate.
Bask in the wonders of the prostate orgasm.
“Keep trying to edge yourself to orgasm, but stop stimulating your penis and try to get your prostate to be the one to push you over the hump. Instead of tensing, relax deeply and focus on your prostate and the sensations from stimulation. Do this enough that it gets you over the hump. Once you do, you’ll learn a completely different type of orgasm. It feels more like a full-body orgasm, and is very different than the kind you’ve had from penile stimulation.
“The more you do this, the more prostate stimulation you can apply, the more prostate orgasms you can have. To my surprise, what I’ve found is that after I have a prostate orgasm, my penis stays hard and is still responsive to sexual stimulation. If you continue to masturbate by touching your penis, you can immediately have another orgasm. Eventually, you can have more and more orgasms.”
One More Multiple Orgasm Tip: Check Your T-Levels
Maybe you don’t want to have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms, but just want to shorten your refractory period. In that case, make sure you have optimal testosterone levels—it’ll make your orgasms better, too.
“Low T is often thought of as an older man’s problem, but I see it in a significant portion of men in their 20s, 30s, and 40s,” Stegall says.
Even if your sex drive isn’t particularly low, Stegall advises guys over 30 to get their T-levels checked with a blood test by a doctor who specializes in anti-aging medicine and hormone replacement therapy. FYI, normal testosterone levels are between 300 and 1,000 nanograms per deciliter of blood.
Signs of low T include fatigue, decreased libido, fat gain, difficulty gaining muscle, mental fogginess, and depression.
“If a lot of guys in their 20s and 30s are honest with themselves, they’re probably dealing with at least some of these issues,” Stegall says.
Low testosterone can be boosted naturally by eating a diet high in proteins and healthy fats, sleeping eight hours a night, and by lifting weights three to six times per week.
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