As someone who lives with depression, daily life can often get tough. As hard as it’s been living with depression, when I first started struggling with depression, I often wondered what it would mean for my relationships — with family, friends, and co-workers. But I especially wondered what it would mean to invite a significant other into my life.
Some questions I asked myself: Could I find somehow who was able to deal with my depression? Someone who could deal with my sudden mood changes, or days and sometimes weeks of feeling down? Could I invite someone into something I don’t fully understand myself?
If you struggle with mental health, don’t wait for the person who you think can just deal with your depression or put up with your mood changes — wait for the person who loves and supports you because of everything you’re going through — not someone who can just tolerate it.
I’ve been blessed to have found an amazing woman who is now my wife. The love and support she’s shown me with my mental health has taught me a few things:
- Find the person who picks you up on your worst days. On my worst days, I have trouble with self-love and kindness. On my worst days, instead of being kind and loving to myself, I often do the exact opposite. Wait for the person who can see when you’re having your worst days and knows how to step in with love and kindness when you’re not able to give it to yourself.
- Find the person that reminds you that the good times will come again. Living with depression is a constant struggle because it often feels as though the sadness and loneliness and despair will never go away. Find the person who constantly reminds you in a patient and loving way that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Someone who reminds you that you’ve gotten through all of your worst days so far — and you’ll continue to do so.
- Find the person who makes your mental health a priority. My wife is a doctor and will often work a 24-hour shift. There have been many times when she’s come off an all-night shift and found me in a bad headspace. No matter how tired she is or how long of a night it’s been, if she finds me in a bad headspace, she makes me a priority and provides the love and support I need at that moment.
- Find the person that knows when to give you space. Sometimes I need my wife to be right there with me, providing encouraging words and empathizing with me. There are other times though where I just need some space. Find the person who will lean in with you, who doesn’t take it personally when you need time and space, and who knows when to push and when to pull when it comes to best support you.
Depression is one of the hardest things I’ve had to battle in my life. It often makes life hard for me — and for the people in my life I love. When I first started struggling with depression, I wondered if I could find a partner could cope with what I was going through. I’ve been blessed to have found a loving woman who not only copes with my depression but leans into it and loves me because of it. Don’t find someone who will put up with what you’re going through — wait for the person who loves you enough to prioritize you, no matter what you’re going through, and who knows the love and support that’s needed to help pull you through even the toughest of times.
Previously published on Psiloveyou.xyz.
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